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Have you written this down somewhere so the person(s) responsible will know what you'd like?
Why not?
Writing it down is only part of it. Then you need to make sure you pick an executor who will follow it.
My siblings confronted me after my mother's death, that even though she had a spot right next to our father... to whom she was married death do they part after 63 years... she would really want to be buried 400 miles away with her mother and father (and other sibs). I rejected that for countless reasons.
The irony... I didn't actually have authority to make the decision. My brother was the primary executor, I was second (the wills were done 25 years ago before we all took our roles as caregivers - or not). Because I had been their financial power-of-attorney, and had run things for them for a decade, nobody "flipped the switch" from POA to executor when she passed. They asked me to do something I didn't really have authority to decide anyway. Shhh... they still haven't figured it out.
Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
Posted:
Jun 12, 2026 - 3:12pm
islander wrote:
When I brought my mom home through the airport, they flagged me and gently took me aside to ask "Is this cremains?", I said "yes, and if you spill them, we'll all be forever haunted". The guy laughed and sent us on our way.
When one of my murdered sister's body was identified in New Hampshire after 50 years, they were able to cremate her, divide the ashes up for we four surviving siblings, and ship them with very little problem, three going to Texas, one going to Alaska - just had to be home to sign for the cremains when they arrived.
When I brought my mom home through the airport, they flagged me and gently took me aside to ask "Is this cremains?", I said "yes, and if you spill them, we'll all be forever haunted". The guy laughed and sent us on our way.
Location: Blinding You With Library Science! Gender:
Posted:
Jun 12, 2026 - 11:41am
ScottFromWyoming wrote:
Some states/most states will require you to use a local funeral home to transport all the way there. So ... $$$
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My mom died in Colorado, and they don't allow cremains to be transported out of state (maybe it's a Wyoming thing?) so I had to sign that I was going to spread them on some patch of land in the Denver suburbs but the funeral home decided that left them open to problems so they sort of deputized me as a temp. employee of the funeral home so I was allowed to transport them. Anyway they handed me a still-hot box and I got the heck out before they conferred with someone higher up.
When one of my murdered sister's body was identified in New Hampshire after 50 years, they were able to cremate her, divide the ashes up for we four surviving siblings, and ship them with very little problem, three going to Texas, one going to Alaska - just had to be home to sign for the cremains when they arrived.
It is legal for civilians to be buried at sea, even without a casket It's not just former Navy or Coast Guard members. But there seems to be a lot of rules and arrangements required.
In WA, it is legal to spread ashes over water. We've done several scatterings for people from the boat.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Jun 12, 2026 - 11:08am
Proclivities wrote:
It is legal for civilians to be buried at sea, even without a casket It's not just former Navy or Coast Guard members. But there seems to be a lot of rules and arrangements required.
<Foghorn Leghorn voice> FORtunately my old friend is a hotshot lawyer. </Leghorn>
I want to go into the ocean as well, but not as ashes. My Better Half⢠says no way because itâs illegal, but my best friend from elementary school just immediately said âweâll figure it out.â
It is legal for non-cremated civilian remains to be buried at sea, even without a casket It's not just for former Navy or Coast Guard members. But there seems to be a lot of rules and arrangements required.
Location: At the dude ranch / above the sea Gender:
Posted:
Jun 12, 2026 - 10:40am
NoEnzLefttoSplit wrote:
not sure how legal it is but in NZ we have frequently spread cremains of family members in the ocean. Except my grandmothers got blown by the wind back to shore where her property was, which is quite poetic I suppose, but we all burst out laughing, thinking were in the Big Lebowski.
I want to go into the ocean as well, but not as ashes. My Better Half⢠says no way because itâs illegal, but my best friend from elementary school just immediately said âweâll figure it out.â
not sure how legal it is but in NZ we have frequently spread cremains of family members in the ocean. Except my grandmothers got blown by the wind back to shore where her property was, which is quite poetic I suppose, but we all burst out laughing, thinking were in the Big Lebowski.
Hmm. $7,000 - not bad in the grand scheme of things.
Some states/most states will require you to use a local funeral home to transport all the way there. So ... $$$
==========
My mom died in Colorado, and they don't allow cremains to be transported out of state (maybe it's a Wyoming thing?) so I had to sign that I was going to spread them on some patch of land in the Denver suburbs but the funeral home decided that left them open to problems so they sort of deputized me as a temp. employee of the funeral home so I was allowed to transport them. Anyway they handed me a still-hot box and I got the heck out before they conferred with someone higher up.
Location: Blinding You With Library Science! Gender:
Posted:
Jun 12, 2026 - 9:14am
ScottFromWyoming wrote:
That's why you're plasticized with embalming fluid. You'll outlast the stars.
People think I'm joking when I say I want to be mulched. Not cremated and tilled into the soil. Just go straight to the tillage. Let me help grow some corn or tomatoes.
