I'll wager a railroad penny Abe Lincoln's ghost is haunting a log cabin somewhere in Kentucky. Probably got a mule and a goat or two opaquely wondering around the vicinity. Maybe some laying hens. I think there might be ducks. Definitely no free range chickens. Dude living across the road in the boarded up Sinclair station keeps all the killing chickens. There's no gas to pump but he does sell buffaloed wings by the bucket list and gumball/novelty machine refills by the case, cart, truck, or freight car. The joint is like a big chicken coop with a dinosaur sign out front.
If you figure that one out just dial 1-800-MANBIRD and ask for a guy named Cletus. He will take care of you from there. If he's out frog gigging and it goes to voicemail, channel your best
Kermit and sing him a lullaby followed by a stork or pelican joke. .
P.S. Vote no for cream corn. Also, stow your bird when not in use. It'll make sense later. Everything will.
spiders can hear most colors and see a few sounds.
a wolf-pack consists of a council of wise elders, a war chief, three forensic accountants, and a French-certified jester.
most sunflower stings are non-fatal. the exception is the viper sunflower, known in France as "radis Reine", which can kill a man or three and a half horses within six hours.
bees will not sing in the presence of jellyfish, Whigs, or plumbers.
the first bathing suit for men was designed in 1874 by Guillaume de Pastorali, a pipe-fitter and part-time parrot from Poughkeepsie.
if a Belgian woman buttons an even number of buttons on her shirt, she is automatically a candidate for provincial office.
King Louis IX was forbidden by papal edict to speak the sentence, "Peter Papist picked a peck of pickled Protestants". However, his mistress documented that he often said it during intimate moments between them.
The birthday cake for Winston Churchill's dog Rufus weighed three stone, two dice, and half a lampshade.
the first bar trivia game took place between Christopher Marlowe's "Canterbury Crits" and Walter Raleigh's "Potato Terrors" in a bar near what is now Milan.
a man wearing two top hats is a sure omen of increased interest rates. in Renaissance times, such men were generally derided, debrided, and left to cool on the windowsill.
the sexual practices of the common garden gnome are unspeakable, and Arthur Conan Doyle's vividly graphic depictions of them are locked in a vault under Windsor Castle until the year 2399.
if all the uranium on earth were to be simultaneously ignited, it would be shocking because it is not all stored in the same place.
every octopus for the last 150 million years has had an irresistible craving for Mexican wedding cookies.
once upon a time there was a time, and there was upon it only once. and that once timed upon a there, which was there, and the end was ever happily after, and the story was done - a rare thing, a lovely thing, but only a thing.
I'm working on a project. I don't really know what I'm doing. I realize on frequent inner levels of perception that I don't have the factual knowledge I need for full on engagement outwardly so the intuitive elements take over and I navigate an all-sense encompassing slipstream into a painting of a vessel I once saw hanging in an abandoned house. Well, the painting wasn't actually there but you could tell where it had been hanging by the brighter space on those dirty peeling walls. I remember stepping back for a moment, peering beyond darker shores and standing there on those beaches painting a solemn shell, and framing it for eternity.
What the beerswallow, barhoppers! Who wrote that crap? Love songs? Cut to the chase, Horatio! Does truth actually exist or is truth decided by the collective spoils and let consequences be the door prize? Truth is an ideal, not an absolute. People have to agree on the definition and purpose of exactly what a truth even is. But Proof? Rhymes real purty and has something to show for for all the wailing and gnashing. Well hell boys, let's think about this here thing for a second...
