Song of the Day
- DaveInSaoMiguel - May 5, 2024 - 9:26am
NY Times Strands
- maryte - May 5, 2024 - 8:39am
Israel
- westslope - May 5, 2024 - 8:29am
NYTimes Connections
- maryte - May 5, 2024 - 8:18am
Wordle - daily game
- maryte - May 5, 2024 - 8:10am
Today in History
- DaveInSaoMiguel - May 5, 2024 - 7:42am
Trump
- islander - May 5, 2024 - 7:37am
What Are You Going To Do Today?
- miamizsun - May 5, 2024 - 6:27am
volcano!
- miamizsun - May 5, 2024 - 6:24am
Radio Paradise Comments
- miamizsun - May 5, 2024 - 6:19am
Tesla (motors, batteries, etc)
- miamizsun - May 5, 2024 - 6:16am
Russia
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - May 5, 2024 - 12:03am
Global Warming
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - May 4, 2024 - 11:52pm
May 2024 Photo Theme - Peaceful
- fractalv - May 4, 2024 - 8:31pm
What can you hear right now?
- Isabeau - May 4, 2024 - 5:25pm
Favorite Quotes
- Isabeau - May 4, 2024 - 5:21pm
What Did You See Today?
- Antigone - May 4, 2024 - 4:17pm
Anti-War
- R_P - May 4, 2024 - 3:24pm
Iran
- Red_Dragon - May 4, 2024 - 12:03pm
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - May 4, 2024 - 11:27am
Live Music
- oldviolin - May 4, 2024 - 11:18am
Other Medical Stuff
- kurtster - May 4, 2024 - 10:24am
SCOTUS
- Steely_D - May 4, 2024 - 8:04am
Dialing 1-800-Manbird
- oldviolin - May 3, 2024 - 4:51pm
The Dragons' Roost
- GeneP59 - May 3, 2024 - 3:53pm
Name My Band
- oldviolin - May 3, 2024 - 3:04pm
RightWingNutZ
- islander - May 3, 2024 - 11:55am
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- MrDill - May 3, 2024 - 11:41am
Poetry Forum
- oldviolin - May 3, 2024 - 9:46am
What the hell OV?
- oldviolin - May 3, 2024 - 9:36am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - May 3, 2024 - 9:24am
Lyrics that strike a chord today...
- R_P - May 3, 2024 - 7:54am
Derplahoma!
- sunybuny - May 3, 2024 - 4:56am
Unquiet Minds - Mental Health Forum
- miamizsun - May 3, 2024 - 4:36am
What Makes You Laugh?
- miamizsun - May 3, 2024 - 4:31am
Main Mix Playlist
- R567 - May 3, 2024 - 12:06am
Who Killed The Electric Car??? -- The Movie
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 2, 2024 - 9:51pm
If not RP, what are you listening to right now?
- oldviolin - May 2, 2024 - 5:56pm
Joe Biden
- R_P - May 2, 2024 - 5:07pm
What Makes You Sad?
- thisbody - May 2, 2024 - 3:35pm
songs that ROCK!
- thisbody - May 2, 2024 - 3:07pm
Breaking News
- thisbody - May 2, 2024 - 2:57pm
Questions.
- oldviolin - May 2, 2024 - 9:13am
The Obituary Page
- Proclivities - May 2, 2024 - 7:42am
And the good news is....
- Bill_J - May 1, 2024 - 6:30pm
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- ladron - May 1, 2024 - 6:22pm
Things you would be grating food for
- Manbird - May 1, 2024 - 3:58pm
Economix
- black321 - May 1, 2024 - 12:19pm
I Heart Huckabee - NOT!
- Manbird - Apr 30, 2024 - 7:49pm
Democratic Party
- R_P - Apr 30, 2024 - 4:01pm
Oh, The Stupidity
- haresfur - Apr 30, 2024 - 3:30pm
Talk Behind Their Backs Forum
- VV - Apr 30, 2024 - 1:46pm
Canada
- black321 - Apr 30, 2024 - 1:37pm
Mixtape Culture Club
- miamizsun - Apr 30, 2024 - 7:02am
Food
- Bill_J - Apr 29, 2024 - 7:46pm
New Music
- ScottFromWyoming - Apr 29, 2024 - 11:36am
Upcoming concerts or shows you can't wait to see
- ScottFromWyoming - Apr 29, 2024 - 8:34am
Photos you haven't taken of yourself
- Antigone - Apr 29, 2024 - 5:03am
Britain
- R_P - Apr 28, 2024 - 10:47am
Birthday wishes
- GeneP59 - Apr 28, 2024 - 9:56am
Would you drive this car for dating with ur girl?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Apr 27, 2024 - 9:53pm
Classical Music
- miamizsun - Apr 27, 2024 - 1:23pm
LeftWingNutZ
- Lazy8 - Apr 27, 2024 - 12:46pm
Things You Thought Today
- Red_Dragon - Apr 27, 2024 - 12:17pm
The Moon
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Apr 26, 2024 - 9:08pm
April 2024 Photo Theme - Happenstance
- fractalv - Apr 26, 2024 - 8:59pm
Musky Mythology
- Red_Dragon - Apr 26, 2024 - 7:23pm
Mini Meetups - Post Here!
- Red_Dragon - Apr 26, 2024 - 4:02pm
Australia has Disappeared
- Red_Dragon - Apr 26, 2024 - 2:41pm
Radio Paradise sounding better recently
- firefly6 - Apr 26, 2024 - 10:39am
Neil Young
- Steely_D - Apr 26, 2024 - 9:20am
Country Up The Bumpkin
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Apr 26, 2024 - 9:01am
Environmental, Brilliance or Stupidity
- miamizsun - Apr 26, 2024 - 5:07am
Ask an Atheist
- R_P - Apr 25, 2024 - 11:02am
Afghanistan
- R_P - Apr 25, 2024 - 10:26am
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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 7, 8, 9 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:30am |
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2cats wrote: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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2cats
Location: Oklahoma Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:28am |
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lily34 wrote: and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet. How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:50am |
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Coaxial wrote: don't forget to tip your servers!
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Coaxial
Location: Comfortably numb in So Texas Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:48am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:47am |
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Proclivities wrote: Those remind me of one I saw in the song comments - I don't remember which song:
Why are there so many people named Jones in the phone book? Because they all have phones.
and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet.
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Proclivities
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:44am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room." Those remind me of one I saw in the song comments - I don't remember which song: Why are there so many people named Jones in the phone book? Because they all have phones.
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:35am |
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from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
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aflanigan
Location: At Sea Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 14, 2014 - 9:58am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:Two Red Herrings walk into a bar. The bartender, somewhat startled by their piscine presence, slowly looks them up and down. Finally, he says "OK my fine fishy friends, what can I get you?". "Water!", they gasped. This joke has a rather misleading premise.
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 14, 2014 - 8:19am |
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Two Red Herrings walk into a bar. The bartender, somewhat startled by their piscine presence, slowly looks them up and down. Finally, he says "OK my fine fishy friends, what can I get you?". "Water!", they gasped.
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Atman
Location: Sandpoint, ID Gender:
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Posted:
Mar 27, 2014 - 2:26pm |
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A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago." He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African - American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native-American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck" "Very interesting," the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name." The man smiles broadly, extends his hand, and replies, "Tonto….. Tonto Goldstein; but my friends call me Bubba."
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Godric
Gender:
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Posted:
Mar 24, 2014 - 7:33am |
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Contact Lens
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.
"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 27, 2014 - 11:44am |
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 25, 2014 - 8:44am |
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A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 21, 2014 - 12:54pm |
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A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.."
The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
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Red_Dragon
Location: Dumbf*ckistan
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Posted:
Feb 6, 2014 - 1:07pm |
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DaveInVA wrote:
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 6, 2014 - 12:30pm |
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An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
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glmace
Location: Wyoming Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 7:24pm |
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Rodney Dangerfield said " I get no respect, yesterday I met C. Everit Koop and he offered me a cigarett "
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helenofjoy
Location: Lincoln, Nebraska Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 2:25pm |
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Antigone wrote:A joke that Radney Foster told last night:
A little boy went up to his mother and said, "When I grow up I want to be a musician."
His mother replied, "You can't have it both ways, dear."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 12:59pm |
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The guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators. I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 12:55pm |
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A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1911 Colt 45 with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."
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