Frank Zappa — Joe's Garage
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Act I
SCENE TWO
JOE'S GARAGE
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teenage
band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials
and tribulations of garage- band husbandry.
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
We take you now to a garage in Canoga Park.
JOE:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And à cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music
and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O)
joins in the song...
LARRY:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin', "TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around like...
Twenty teen-age girls dash in and go STOMP-CLAP, STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...
JOE:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...
And, as the band plays their little song, MRS. BORG (who keeps her son, SY, in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
screams out the window...
MRS. BORG:
Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?
JOE:
(Speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal 'n Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or
unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...
JOE:
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...
MRS. BORG:
I'm calling THE POLICE!
There! I did it! They'll be here...shortly!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police...
MRS. BORG:
I'm not joking around anymore
OFFICER BUTZIS:
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither
MRS. BORG:
You'll see them
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police
MRS. BORG:
There they are, they're coming!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
MRS. BORG:
Listen to that mess, would you?
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded
MRS. BORG:
Everday this goes on around here!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
We will not harm you, or maim you
(swat team 4, move in!)
MRS. BORG:
He used to cut my grass...
He was a very nice boy...
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut... and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.
SCENE TWO
JOE'S GARAGE
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teenage
band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL
SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials
and tribulations of garage- band husbandry.
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
We take you now to a garage in Canoga Park.
JOE:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And à cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music
and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O)
joins in the song...
LARRY:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin', "TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around like...
Twenty teen-age girls dash in and go STOMP-CLAP, STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...
JOE:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...
And, as the band plays their little song, MRS. BORG (who keeps her son, SY, in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
screams out the window...
MRS. BORG:
Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?
JOE:
(Speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal 'n Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or
unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...
JOE:
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...
MRS. BORG:
I'm calling THE POLICE!
There! I did it! They'll be here...shortly!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police...
MRS. BORG:
I'm not joking around anymore
OFFICER BUTZIS:
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither
MRS. BORG:
You'll see them
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police
MRS. BORG:
There they are, they're coming!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
MRS. BORG:
Listen to that mess, would you?
OFFICER BUTZIS:
This is the police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded
MRS. BORG:
Everday this goes on around here!
OFFICER BUTZIS:
We will not harm you, or maim you
(swat team 4, move in!)
MRS. BORG:
He used to cut my grass...
He was a very nice boy...
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut... and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.
Comments (76)add comment
but i hear River https://g.co/kgs/EC5T8t but not Zappa . Do something witam that
kingart wrote:
You wrote this 4 years ago now.
It's still Mitchell...
Must be off the rotation......!
Man, that Frank Zappa sure knocked out a superlative impersonation of Joni Mitchell. Whoda thunk it? Don't Eat the Big Yellow Taxi Snow?
You wrote this 4 years ago now.
It's still Mitchell...
Must be off the rotation......!
Man, that Frank Zappa sure knocked out a superlative impersonation of Joni Mitchell. Whoda thunk it? Don't Eat the Big Yellow Taxi Snow?
This is not Zappa, but Joni Mitchell - River.
He was a pretty good picker... sorry the drawing through me off.
all i have to say is ZAPPA IS GOD
I miss 'im, I do.
We take you now, to a garage in Canoga Park...
Rats. Missed it. Shoot shoot shoot. Would have been a nice way to end the day.
lester wrote:
I'm another one of those old-timers whining that Frank Zappa is underplayed.
Me too.I like his voice.Strong.Oh,and his writing as well.
I'm another one of those old-timers whining that Frank Zappa is underplayed.
Frank Zappa's music is like a labyrinth and it is very important through wich door will listener come in first. "Silly" songs like this one might be good for some newcomers, but usualy only the real devotee can appriciate it completely.
ABanana224 wrote:
I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
Can't see how anyone this creative could be considered "lame." Doesn't make him a genius, but lame? Come on.
threxel wrote:
The problem with taking this song out of the context of the whole play is that it looses its comic appeal. However, I still enjoy it!
I disagree; I think this is actually one of the few songs on the album that can stand on its own. Anybody who's every been in or around a garage band can relate to it.
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a couple of quarts of beer
would fix it so the intonation
would not offend your ear
camarkim wrote:
Frank is supposed to be pure genius. I don't get it.
Nobody can put together a parody that is better than the original. He does disco better than disco bands, punk better than punk bands and rock better than rock bands...all while making fun of it.
But his real genius: listen sometime to one of his whacked out guitar solos and realize: it's all written down in meticulous notation.
Favs: One Size Fits All, You Are What You Is
ABanana224 wrote:
I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
Frank Zappa may not be your style of music, but the guy was eons ahead of everyone in his time! The man is pure musical genuis...if your not upset or complaining about his prose THEN YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!!!!
RP thanks for playing Frank, play more!
Art_Carnage wrote:
How can such a talented guy turn out so much light-weight tripe like this? What a waste. 
You have to take the song in context. This was a three album concept.
BKardon wrote:
Agreed, Watermelon in Easter Hay has to be one of the top guitar solos ever recorded. Simply stunning.
Yes...PLEASE play Watermelon in Easter Hay!!!
The problem with taking this song out of the context of the whole play is that it looses its comic appeal. However, I still enjoy it!
redeyespy wrote:
Yes. Act III of Joe's Garage includes some stunning guitar, and that piece is one of the finest Frank ever did. Its beauty adds dimension to the satiric narrative of the album.
Agreed, Watermelon in Easter Hay has to be one of the top guitar solos ever recorded. Simply stunning.
It's ABOUT time RP plays some Zappa!
Now how about spinning some of his real gems -- sayyyyyy... like Mothers of Invention -- Absolutely Free !
if she were my daughter.....
what would you do, daddy?
Art_Carnage wrote:
How can such a talented guy turn out so much light-weight tripe like this? What a waste.
He also had to take a break from time to time, I guess and beside that, had to make some money too. Not that he was only in it for the money off course
How nice to hear Frank.... ANYWHERE!
How can such a talented guy turn out so much light-weight tripe like this? What a waste.
Hairfarmer wrote:
Check out Watermellon In Easter Hay, also from the Joe's Garage album, it's one of the best guitar solos ever recorded, IMO, a soaring, beautifully sad song.
Yes. Act III of Joe's Garage includes some stunning guitar, and that piece is one of the finest Frank ever did. Its beauty adds dimension to the satiric narrative of the album.
The album's a take off on the classic story of Mary & Joseph, & appropo for Xmas. Theme about Mary taking up with the band. Better songs on the album than this one. Zappa's teams are great musicians, & having Fun! Tweakin' conventions.
Catholic Girls ( 
), Crew Slut (Driven Beat), Lucille has messed my mind up (Re-do the words, if you want for a great song for a Bar Band with an emoting singer)...
He's also got a release of their guitar music - stuff they'd play before the concert or on Fade Outs where the bands'd get to stretch - Lessons.orpheus wrote:
anyone up for a little "dinah mo . . ."? 8) 8) :) :) 
LOL - a blast that brings back smoky memories, 8 tracks, and my first exposure to music that could NEVER be played on the radio, even FM at that time.
"... asked if she had any cooties in there..." 8) 8) :) :)
Unique?.... Definitely
Talented?.... Perhaps
Enjoyable?.....NOT
this blows! way to make my morning stink!
Zappa cracks me up and always has. Genius ? I don't know.
Funny as hell? Yup !!!
camarkim wrote:
Frank is supposed to be pure genius. I don't get it.
Yeah, I'm with you.
camarkim wrote:
Frank is supposed to be pure genius. I don't get it.
He's better than Neil Young. Then again, Jackie Chan is better than Neil Young. I'm dead serious!
"Dirty Love" is one the best songs. I prefer Mothers of Invention to just Frank Z. His lyrics are pretty clever, he's fun.
He creeps me out a little too much...a 4.
Bet he was high when he named his kids...
Frank is supposed to be pure genius. I don't get it.
I have a soft spot for Zappa, I must confess, but I am not a fan, and while I am not intimidated by difficult music, most of Zappa's eccentricities escape me: most of his stuff is neither a parody, nor right-out experimenation, and his guitar virtuosities leave me cold.
Besides, it is funny how an artist that always strove to sound like no other, used the same mechanisms all his life: silly choruses, slowing or accelarating the music etc.
ABanana224 wrote:
I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
No, you are not alone there.
I'm with ya'. He's undeniably talented, but it's a talent wasted on junk like this, that barely rises above "novelty" status.
Quayde wrote:
Not the only person ABanana, I agree.
During a long, drunken conversation, a group of my friends promised to buy one recommended CD from each other. Among the suggestions were Pearl (Janis Joplin), Treasure (Cocteau Twins), and Zappa's Joe's Garage. I still have the first two, but I could not stand the Zappa: I usually listen to an album three times before giving up on it, but that only made it half way through the second try. Only album I ever returned to a shop simply because it was crap.
ABanana224 wrote:
I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
Not the only person ABanana, I agree.
During a long, drunken conversation, a group of my friends promised to buy one recommended CD from each other. Among the suggestions were Pearl (Janis Joplin), Treasure (Cocteau Twins), and Zappa's Joe's Garage. I still have the first two, but I could not stand the Zappa: I usually listen to an album three times before giving up on it, but that only made it half way through the second try. Only album I ever returned to a shop simply because it was crap.
I've uploaded Sofa No. 2 from One Size Fits All. Still sorry it didn't get added.
Zappa!
Seeing him in concert was one of the all-time fun things to do with your friends.
anyone up for a little "dinah mo . . ."? 8) 8) :) :)
8) 8) :) :) ABanana224 wrote:
I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
No I am sure you're not the only person who "doesn't get it", but Zappa was a whole level unto himself. His biting satire and his gifted guitar skills, not to mention his writing, made him an uncomparable genius. Listening to such classics as "Camarillo Brillo" and "I am the Slime" and "Disco Boy" - among the most accessible of Zappa's work - gives you an introductory appreciation of Zappa's talent.
He wasn't always on target - the lamentable "Valley Girl" comes to mind, and "Shut Up and Play Your Guitar" was for hardcore fans only - but Zappa was one of the all-time greats.
:D Yeah! Long live Frank!I may be the only person in the world who just doesn't get it.
Frank Zappa does nothing for me. For lack of a better reaon, I just think he's lame.
"We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park..."
What a treat - those ten words bring back such fun memories. Not a weekend went by in college when I didn't hear them at least once. Catholic Girl... Crew Slut... Wet T-Shirt Night... I know all the words by heart.
Thanks for the great surprise. More Frank Zappa!!
Now we're talking. Time to take Cake to school.
SWEET!
More Zappa, please!
:D
After my show last night, this is perfect. Sorta... God, I need sleep.
Hairfarmer wrote:
Check out Watermellon In Easter Hay, also from the Joe's Garage album, it's one of the best guitar solos ever recorded, IMO, a soaring, beautifully sad song.
And let's not forget some of the incredible tunes off of Shut Up and Play Yer Guitar. Wierd Al never had talent like that.
JCJ wrote:
Some things you just have to be in the mood for. Frank Zappa is one. I for one have heard a bit of his music over the years, with friends digging him. I just couldnt get into it. If i want to laugh at something, i'll put in a comedy CD in. I noticed that people who love this stuff are usually on the pretentious side, whether they believe it or not. Its always like, "you dont find him funny? oh well you just dont have the sophisticated sense of humor then."
Appreciating FZ isn't just about weird humour. The basic mis-conception of Zappa in the US is that he was some sort of toilet-humour Wierd Al who only did songs like Valley Girl, Jewish Princess, Dyna Moe Humm etc. In fact, almost 2/3 of the guys catalogue are instrumentals. and some of the most awesome melodic inventions I've ever heard. Check out Watermellon In Easter Hay, also from the Joe's Garage album, it's one of the best guitar solos ever recorded, IMO, a soaring, beautifully sad song.
RIP Frank Vincent Zappa 12/21/40 - 12/4/93
This song defines my early teens. Gotta love Frank...
bothanesque wrote:
Is this song over yet? Highly overrated schlock.
So, what's not overrated, or schlock?
Aah, this is so frustrating! This lousy soundcard can't be turned up any further... Please Bill, play worse music! I'm cracking up here... 
JCJ wrote:
Some things you just have to be in the mood for. Frank Zappa is one. I for one have heard a bit of his music over the years, with friends digging him. I just couldnt get into it. If i want to laugh at something, i'll put in a comedy CD in. I noticed that people who love this stuff are usually on the pretentious side, whether they believe it or not. Its always like, "you dont find him funny? oh well you just dont have the sophisticated sense of humor then."
Hmmmm. Well, an appreciation of Frank's scatological leanings also helps.
What a treat. Thanks Bill!
Joe's Garage is quite the piece of work and the whole album deserves a listen to. For all of the haters out there, pick this one up at your local used record shop if you can and give it a couple listens. I'm sure it will grow on you and you'll find these little surprises from Bill synergistically more wonderful!
Some things you just have to be in the mood for. Frank Zappa is one. I for one have heard a bit of his music over the years, with friends digging him. I just couldnt get into it. If i want to laugh at something, i'll put in a comedy CD in. I noticed that people who love this stuff are usually on the pretentious side, whether they believe it or not. Its always like, "you dont find him funny? oh well you just dont have the sophisticated sense of humor then."
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Frank waz the greatest! :sunny.gif:
Shimmer wrote:
I know he's supposed to be a genius and everything, but this just sounds like silliness.
Robin Williams is silly, but genious as well. Zappa created this genre. Very innovative in a silly way but that was his point.
Shimmer wrote:
I know he's supposed to be a genius and everything, but this just sounds like silliness.
It's both. That's where FZ's biggest strength was. Combining seemingly disparete influences (Do-Wop, 20th Century "Serious" music, R&B, Jazz etc) and holding it all together with a huge glue of DaDaist humour. Life is full of silliness. If songwriters are supposed to comment on the state of the world and human nature, then you certainly can't discount silliness or stupidity from that equation. There's way to much of both of them to ignore.
Is this song over yet?
Highly overrated schlock.
Shimmer wrote:
I know he's supposed to be a genius and everything, but this just sounds like silliness.
Yeah, Zappa was really good at that. Silly on the outside, crunchy on the inside. This is actually the first song in the Joe's Garage suite, and sets up the rest of the story -- which is a pretty scathing comment on commercial studios, radio stations, and religious pushers.
Too many changes in tempo and style, but maybe it is meant to be slightly tongue in cheek...who knows! Sorry Frank...
I know he's supposed to be a genius and everything, but this just sounds like silliness.
RP is getting a little adventurous, eh?
nicely done.
next thing we know we'll be hearing Primus, Modest Mouse, Sonic Youth, Col. Bruce Hampton, possibly even some Mr Bungle? 8)
Roverfish wrote:
Was Frank's middle name Nostradamus? This is incredible how far ahead of its time it is! Very cool.
Another great one from the album preceding this, Sheik Yer Bouti, is "Flakes". Wickedly funny.
Roverfish wrote:
Was Frank's middle name Nostradamus? This is incredible how far ahead of its time it is! Very cool.
Ugh... I don't think it's time for it yet... Sorry, guys. I can't get into this. Maybe it just takes some getting used to.
How fun is this?! We need more of this Bill, how about "Wild Love"?
Amaaaaaaazing! Someone actually gave this a "1"
Was Frank's middle name Nostradamus? This is incredible how far ahead of its time it is! Very cool.
More Zappa! More Zappa!
Yea!
Giants don't come much larger than Zappa.
He led the way in so many different arenas.
There is so much to play... play more.
From the fascinating opus put out in \'79--his ahead of its time classic. Worth checking out the album. Be hilarious to hear \"Catholic Girls\" or \"Stick it Out\" on RP
Though I don\'t see it happening! :p
Though I don\'t see it happening! :p